Sunday, March 1, 2009

another not-an-essay on my search for a church and other stuff

In regard to that other blog i so heartily advertised this week, it is going down for further remodel. There was a weird glitch in the comments section that the genius pakistani code writer has re-written, and now i will have to re-remodel and re-rewrite the code to make it look like i really like it. Hopefully, when i'm done, you will notice no difference except that some of the messed up items are now un-messed up. Hopefully, i will finish today, but ...... it's really hard to say.

In regard to church....i know you've been holding your breath for an update. Today i went back to the same church i went to last week. The reason i went back there is that i wanted to, and i might've felt like i should, but i can't clearly for sure distinguish which it was.

And now i'm in a bit of a quandary. Here's my conflict: i really enjoyed and benefited from the teaching today and last week. I enjoyed the praise and worship, and i can imagine feeling at home and useful in this body. (i know, doesn't quite sound like a conflict just yet.) But the this church is about 15 minutes from my house. I had no idea you could drive that far and still be in the Coldspring zip code, but i guess you can. 15 minutes is halfway to Conroe and feels to me just as far away from what i think should be "my community," specifically when 2 "full gospel/non-denominational" bodies exist less than 2 miles from my home - clearly inside "my community."

Also, i have observed, within myself, a clear resistance to submitting spiritually to anyone of these bodies. The idea of committing makes me extremely nervous, and any sign that whatever person or people i'm thinking of might be different from what i'm comfortable with or might criticize me in anyway makes me want to shrink right back into my spiritual shell and crawl back to my grassy, shaded corner.

Someone has suggested that i consider starting a cell group as an extension of CTK here in Coldspring, which i am sure i am not prepared to do, but is somewhat attractive to me since it would not require me to commit to one of these foreign bodies in my own area. Thus, i'm sure my motivations are completely wrong, and that idea should be completely nixed. Still, part of me brings that one up as an option from time to time, when i get scared about the other options.

The first church i went to - which i wrote about extensively, seems clearly too easy. In that, i have never liked their Sunday morning gig and therefore considered joining the church and volunteering in the nursery so that i wouldn't have to attend Sunday morning service. This would allow me to attend the Saturday morning women's meeting and possibly visit some other Sunday morning service later in the morning where i might feel more like i fit in. Then something happened at that Saturday morning meeting that completely turned me off, and i haven't been back since.

This leaves the second church that i visited. It's a small but growing body. I've only been once, so i can't say anything conclusive about the teaching. They seem to have lots of irons in the fire as far as outreach but nothing seems to be particularly well-organized. This is actually a sign of church with life in it. It might be awkward and difficult, but i'm sure i could be used there. And they have coffee and refreshments on Sunday morning, right there at the back of the sanctuary, which for some reason, makes me feel very comfortable.

Once again, i may have concluded that i need to go back to "church #2" next week. Your input is welcome.

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