You know, after all this time (four months or so), after switching from being a full time homemaker/chicken wrangler, to being a full time go-some-place-else-to-make-money-er/chicken hobbyist, i'm still not wrapping my head around it very well. Once i had what many people consider an "alternate" way of life, it stuck to me -- deep inside me. Nothing else makes that much sense to me anymore.
There have been times when i have been SO frustrated - the same frustrations i had in the old days, before chicken wrangling and whatnot -- the difficulty of keeping a home you're not in most of the time, the difficulty of balancing . . . juggling. How do i keep my passion about my home and our dreams and still be a great employee -- but not become a workaholic?
One morning, on my way to work, i was crying in frustration over all the confusion in my head. Having left a hopelessly messy house to go and keep someone else's business in order, instead of my own . . . and i was praying and sobbing it out to the Lord, when He started to encourage my heart. He's awesome like that. Here are a few of the things i think i'm starting to learn:
This is a season. And it's here for a reason.
Sometimes God moves us into something that is hard for us, to show us that He can help us to conquer in that situation too. And to grow us and mold us in ways that He couldn't do when everything was ideal for us.
Sometimes, He puts us in situations we can't handle, so that we will learn to let Him handle our situations. If everything we have to handle is easy, we never learn how to let Him take care of us.
His grace is always sufficient. His patience is unending. His plan is -- it's so infinitely involved in His very best for us that we just can't begin to understand how deep His love is.
I can feel my inner self (hopefully not so much my outer self) growing and stretching and becoming more than i could have been without the experiences He has brought me through. And then i become overwhelmingly grateful.
Even though my house is a mess.
Even though there's no milk in the fridge.
Even though i lie in bed at night thinking about my job.
He's just so faithful. He causes me to be grateful, and i can only see a tiny glimpse of His plan, a tiny glimpse of His infinity, but i see enough to know that His plans for me are because He loves me. And then my heart is at peace.