Learning to be a farmer has been, and still is, one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I'm definitely still just a wannabe farmer, but as i learn and grow in experiences, i learn more about God and have a deeper understanding and experience of life in general.
Last night, i had to make the decision to end the life of a sick chicken.
This is definitely not the first time, but i remember the first time.
I think that making choices about the lives of your livestock must be the most challenging part about being a farmer. A farmer values the lives of his animals. Yet he has to make decisions about their lives, almost as if the are commodities, which they also are.
Last night, i found that the sadness in my heart and the tears on my face were pretty much the same as the very first time that i finally came to the conclusion that my charge's suffering should be ended. This time, the decision making process was much easier, because i knew my options, and i knew expected outcomes of the ailments involved. But the tears were the same. A tiny beautiful feathered life had to end, for her own sake.
This made me think about God. Now this might be a leap, but i'm going to say it anyway.
I've heard argue against the goodness of God based on decisions He is recorded to have made, in which people were punished for their sin, or even entire people groups were ended, at God's direction. How could a good God claim to love us and do that?
Maybe, just maybe, it was a matter of knowing the outcome of doing differently. Maybe because He's sovereign and all-knowing, He knew that He had to do one seemingly horrible thing in order to prevent some future suffering of His people. I don't think the pain was any less for God to make those decisions. I think it broke His heart. But He has the wisdom to make the best decision.
It makes me trust God even more. Even when things in my life may not seem, at first appearance, to reflect the actions of a loving God, He knows so much better than me, and He does love me, and so i just must trust Him.