Monday, June 18, 2012

snips and snails and puppy dog tails

I've had a little writer's block lately, which is weird for me.  Usually, if i just sit down and write, it all comes out.  But lately, it's been sticky.

Twice in a row, i sat down to write, spent minutes and hours pounding something out, only to not publish it.  One of those times, i was trying to illustrate the difference between a man's and a woman's response to frustration.  I couldn't remember the real-life example that made me think of it, so i attempted to write a silly story to illustrate my point.

Turned out to be way too much story, and not nearly enough point, so i abandoned ship.

Thankfully, my though-having super hero gave me the quintessential example for modern day Americans, and i am back to writing.

My point (spoiler alert) is that men and women express emotion, often the very same emotion, in very different ways.  To make it worse, they can respond to exactly the same stimulus, with completely different emotions.

The instruction (spoiler alert again) is that your marriage will benefit, if you, especially you wives, will allow your spouse to be how he is, no matter how completely uncivilized it may seem to you.  Men need to be men. Women need to be women.  We compliment each other.  Kind of the point of marriage, actually.

The modern-day illustration i mentioned is September 11, 2001, or more accurately, the weeks following.  For those of us who weren't a direct part of the devastation, do you remember how you responded?  Do you remember how your spouse responded?

My husband recollects how seemingly every man under the age of 50 was ready to enlist in the armed services to go and fight whoever this was that would dare invade us.  I remember considering eternity and wanting desperately to connect with my family and feel the comfort of knowing they were safe.  We all remember the shock, the helplessness,  the feeling of having been invaded.

The beautiful thing is that all of these responses were appropriate.  All were necessary.

I think that one of the worst things a woman can do to a marriage is to try to squelch her husband's natural tendency to act like a male.  It is true that inside every woman is a little girl.  It is just as true that inside of every man is a little boy.

It is not so much true, i find, that men are less emotional than women.  Men are better at not showing their emotions to their complimenting gender (if you consider that a good thing), but they are not less emotional.  They simply express their emotions differently.  Girls, ladies, women, wives, lend me your ears.  Men need good male friends.  Men need time away from women so they can be emotional together in the weird way that men do it.  And men need to act like men.  They need to go fishing and hunting and get dirty and yell at football games.  They need to love all things that look like guns.  And sometimes they need to yell when they're sad or go hit something (not someone) when they're frustrated or rough-house with their buddies when they're feeling lonely.  And they need to be accepted and treasured, just as they are, by you, the kind and gentle, when they come back home.

Now men, women are weird too.  Women need to sip hot drinks and tell overly detailed stories about things that seem entirely boring to you, for hours on end.  They need to love things that are lacy and pink.  They need to coo, in groups, over all things baby.  They need to cry bitterly over things you wouldn't dream of shedding a tear over, and they need you, the strong and comforting, to hold them and "understand" through every tearful phrase.

This is my wisdom for you today, appreciate and treasure your differences and learn to compliment each other, for a more enjoyable marriage.


  1. I sort of agree with you...but instead of assigning typical stereotypical behavior to each spouse, let's call a spade a spade. My husband is a short-tempered, wreckless, impatient driver and if it wasn't for me, we'd all be dead from either an accident or someone shooting us from him being an asshole behind the wheel. We often fight about his antics because he does this in MY vehicle which is very recognizable in our small town. He needs to be an asshole in his own vehicle!!

    Seriously, to really get his attention, I told him he is a coward behind the wheel. He will scream and threaten people all the while waving his arms and acting like a crazy man...and two blocks later he will do the exact same thing that other person did! It's maddening! God forbid someone actually got out of their vehicle and approached him and shot him or tried to fight him. He couldn't protect himself, or me and Lilly. I told him to cut that crap out while we are in the car with him. There is absolutely no place we are in a hurry to get to that he has to act like that!

    So, my point is...I HAVE to be calm to balance out his ignorant behavior. We can't both be assholes at the same time! snicker...

    How are ya? We were in Austin last week and about melted from the heat!!

  2. Hi Tracee, you sound like quite a pistol! ;)

    And yes, i definitely need my hubby to balance my irrational behavior and get me back into a right mind from time to time. That's one of the wonderful things about having a spouse who loves you enough to preserve you, even when you're acting like a nut!

    It's funny you mentioned the weather. We're just getting warmed up for summer. It has been pretty good so far this year. Was it you that took all our hot weather back to the northeast? haha
    Your secret's safe with me. ;)

  3. Yes! I did indeed take the hot weather home with me. We no longer got home and our temps jumped into the mid 90's which is seldom in our portion of Pennsylvania. To make matters worse, our air conditioner quite blowing cold air and I seriously thought I was going to perish! The hubs got to sit in a cool office all day, ride home in a cool van...and I sat in this freaking hot house all day and night long! It took him 3 days to call someone and I seriously thought I was going to strangle him!

    Marriage is freaking hard. We're in our 12 1/2th year and our future is questionable because I just don't tolerate assholes. lol

    Humor gets me through the rough patches...the key to being my friend is understanding that and laughing right along with me.

    BTW, we've cooled off and our highs are in the 70's and low's in the 40's. Now that's why I moved to Pennsylvania!

    Be blessed...



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