Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Not a Resolution

I have always....o.k. not always.  I now, and for the past several years, and probably from here on out to eternity, have rebelled against New Year's Resolutions.  Not just New Year's resolutions, but other resolutions that are made in a hyped up, mostly-because-everyone-else-is-doing-it-and-it-seems-good manner.  The reason i rebel against this, is because of the innumerable times i have made a commitment to something in the wonder of a moment of epiphany or what-have-you, and have lived to fail completely.  The commitments i have kept have been the ones i made with great deliberation, firm deep commitment, tears, purpose, and planning.

With that said, i have observed myself and decided i would like to make some changes.

I remember how i used to feel, before we moved to the country and got all independent and un-citified.  I remember feeling like i had been sucked into a world in which nothing existed or happened in my life except eating, sleeping, going to work, paying bills, and if i really concentrated on it, washing dishes.  I wanted desperately to break out of that mode.  So we bought a house in the country, and i quit my job, and i became productive.  Industrious even.  We raised chickens, i made my own curtains, my house was mostly presentable most of the time, and i felt alive!

Then, after 3 years of being a full-time wannabefarmer, i re-entered the workforce, right where i left it, and told myself that i would not let it become my life.  And it has not become my life.  And for a few reasons, like realizing how far God has brought me, i'm glad i went back to work.  But lately, i have felt the sucking happening again.  That feeling that there is no life outside of the daily routine.

But then i realize that this is new.  In February, it will be 2 years since i went back to work, and i have just started feeling "sucked in," in the last few months.  So what's the deal?  Well, i will pass off some of the blame on winter and daylight savings time.  It is depressing to spend all your daylight hours in an office and all  your home hours in complete darkness.  It stinks.  But the main problem is not the time of year or the clock.  It is with me.

So i need to develop a new skill.  I need to develop the skill of stirring myself up, of keeping the industrious me awake.  Of making sure my life produces something besides a paycheck.

And lucky you!  If i can develop this skill, i will also have more interesting things to write about.  :D

So.  I'm not making any solid commitments yet.  I'm just proposing ideas and offering myself up for feedback and suggestions.

Here are some of my ideas:

  • I've been getting better at stopping and noticing God's beautiful artwork, but i want to make it a habit. So i think i'd like to plan to notice and photograph something beautiful every week.
  • I think i should cook something fun and/or new every week (and share the recipe, of course), even if i have to stay up late on a school night to do it.
  • Maybe i should schedule myself a crochet project every -something....not every week, that would be too dominating.
  • I need to add a social element, but i don't know what, exactly.  I'm open to suggestions.  While i'm not particularly against my hermit nature, i don't think i should submit to it completely.  I need to break myself out on some regular basis.
  • Oh!  I almost forgot.  I want to learn about important people.  People who did extraordinary things.  I'm figuring out that there are lots and lots of true heroes that i have never even heard about.  I want to.  Once a week?  Not sure.  
Oh, and the reason i mentioned's almost the end of the year, so maybe i could plan to do it for a year, the year 2013.  Maybe.  I might have to start on Feb 3, just for the sake of non-conformity.

Suggestions anyone?  Please feel free.

And as a thank you, here's an awesome picture i took the yesterday when i was supposed to be driving home from work.

Isn't God amazing!!?

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