In conjunction, this also being the part of the year immediately following the part of the year when were are prone to spending enormous amounts of money, i wanted to try to refresh my disintegrating wardrobe as cheaply as possible. I set out to scour the contents of every resale shop i could find, for acceptable items at rock bottom prices. I haven't been thrift store shopping for clothes in several years, but with greatly renewed optimism and hopes for my plan to save a LOT of money, my mind was wide open. It was open-minded Saturday.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving, i went to church, planning to confirm with the pastor our previously discussed plans to start a class for newcomers, before acquiring the books to teach the class. The service was pretty normal. We sang, we prayed, the pastor preached. And then, the pastor announced that this would be our church's last service. Just like that.
It's way too much to succinctly explain all the specific reasons that this news was really jolting to me. In summary, i was really surprised, in a bad way. In honesty, i was heart-broken. And in order to enter the holiday season uninhibited by the personal confusion that accompanied the subject of church, i shut out the idea altogether.
Today, while i was driving open-mindedly from store to store to store to store, ad infinitum, i realized that, while i wasn't looking, my heart has started to heal. For the first time in many weeks, i am now open to thinking about church, open to letting my heart heal, open, a little bit, to the idea of finding a new church. Open to the possibility of disappointment. Open to facing the fearful thing that it is for me to look for a new church.
My thrift-shopping trip today was not what i expected. My effervescent open-minded optimism was disappointed, and i didn't find the things i hoped to find for the rock bottom prices i dreamed of. Even still, i'm glad i went. I did get some things that i needed. And i gave myself some knowledge to help me the next time i want to find an important item at a rock bottom price.
I don't know if my heart is now as optimistic about meeting a new church body, as my mind was this morning, about thrift shopping, but i'm pleased that i can see my heart coming out of its cave to dare to take a peak at the possibly difficult road ahead, and hope for the very very best, knowing that God always has a plan for me, and even my shopping trips.